More than a game: Going cold turkey

No golf makes Fergus a very cross boy. This week he's going through a punishing golfing de-tox and the side-effects are starting to kick in.

Fergus Bisset
By
published

I don't feel the sickness yet, but it's in the post, that's for sure. I'm in the junky limbo at the moment, too ill to sleep, too tired to stay awake, but the sickness is on its way. Sweat, chills, nausea, pain and craving. Need like nothing else I have ever known will soon take hold of me. It's on the way?. Unlike Renton from Trainspotting I?m not trying to give up heroin, it?s just that I haven?t played golf since Monday.

I didn?t compete in the Alliance this week and I?ve spent the last couple of days in the Golf Monthly offices in central London, miles away from the nearest fairway. My addiction to the sport has suddenly become ridiculously and embarrassingly apparent.

I had a dream last night that I?d developed a new putting technique that was virtually infallible. It involved some sort of forward press and something to do with my belt buckle but unfortunately I can?t quite remember it in its entirety. I wonder if there's some sort of rehab I could go to. A golfer's Priory where I'd be made to do needlework or gardening or play table tennis. Anything that distracts from the incessant thoughts pouring into my brain about one piece takeaways and fully completed shoulder turns. I really struggle to forget about past rounds: How different it would have been at Montrose last April if I'd just played an iron for safety off the 5th. Or, just how did that three footer at the ninth at Deal lip out? If I'd made it, then got up and down from the bunker on the 11th and if I'd not gone OB at the 17th or duffed that pitch at the last I'd have shot a 72. It's like Chinese water torture.

Luckily I am going to get my golfing fix this evening as we?re going to Urban Golf in Soho. GM?s instruction editor Neil Tappin, aka Tappers, has written a book called The Little Book of Golf Legends (available at selected retailers.) Its launch is at Urban Golf on Great Pulteney Street. This bar/golf simulator venue is the nearest thing to real golf you?ll find within the Circle line. I?m planning to display my prowess around a virtual St Andrews and am extremely confident of defeating Tappers in a long-drive competition up the 18th of the Old Course. Bring on 6.00.

November 22: A great discovery November 17: Going cold turkeyNovember 9: A series of unfortunate eventsNovember 1: The weather turnsOctober 25: A costly exerciseOctober 18: A gritty performanceOctober 4: To pastures newSeptember 20: Arboreal adventuresSeptember 13: High hopes

Fergus Bisset
Fergus Bisset
Contributing Editor

Fergus is Golf Monthly's resident expert on the history of the game and has written extensively on that subject. He has also worked with Golf Monthly to produce a podcast series. Called 18 Majors: The Golf History Show it offers new and in-depth perspectives on some of the most important moments in golf's long history. You can find all the details about it here.

He is a golf obsessive and 1-handicapper. Growing up in the North East of Scotland, golf runs through his veins and his passion for the sport was bolstered during his time at St Andrews university studying history. He went on to earn a post graduate diploma from the London School of Journalism. Fergus has worked for Golf Monthly since 2004 and has written two books on the game; "Great Golf Debates" together with Jezz Ellwood of Golf Monthly and the history section of "The Ultimate Golf Book" together with Neil Tappin , also of Golf Monthly.

Fergus once shanked a ball from just over Granny Clark's Wynd on the 18th of the Old Course that struck the St Andrews Golf Club and rebounded into the Valley of Sin, from where he saved par. Who says there's no golfing god?

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