Russia Invades Georgia. Augusta not on red alert

News just in. While all eyes in the golfing world are fixed on the US PGA Championship in Oakland Hills near Detroit, Michigan, Russia has seized the opportunity to invade Georgia. Blazers at the PGA, USGA, R&A and C&A and YMCA are thought to be shocked. According to a source close to the scene, who was on a coffee break at TGI Fridays, “large vehicles, maybe even tanks, although they could have been Hummers”, have been spotted thundering along Washington Road in Augusta. They drove by the drive-thru McDonalds and kept abreast of the action at Hooters without stopping for wings and things. Their attempts to turn down Magnolia Lane into Augusta National golf club were, apparently, resisted by two elderly stubborn Pinkerton guards wearing hats. Reports are sporadic and sketchy so it is as yet unclear whether the guards were wearing anything else other than hats. No one at Augusta National was aware of any aggressive attempt by Russians to take over the course. According to another source, “they would have to have an invite and couldn’t just arrive unannounced even if they were invading” There also appears to be no truth to rumours that next year’s Masters champion may be forced to wear a red jacket. News update: Apparently, there has been some confusion over a fuzzy long-distance telephone call from a correspondent out in the field. It transpires that the Russians are invading the ‘other’ Georgia. Now for the sports news: Tiger Woods is not playing in the 2008 US PGA Championship. “Hurrah,” says Phil Mickelson.” Probably. And finally the weather: It’s hot and windy in Detroit and there’s lots of it.