I Just Played In My Captain's Revenge Golf Tournament. It Was Ridiculous... But I Loved It

I don’t know how the name of the competition came about, but I’m guessing it's the captain's opportunity - after a year of hosting (and buying) many a liquid lunch, forking out on various prizes, and generally putting up with a lot of moaning - to watch members lose their cool as they struggle to accumulate 20 Stableford points.

Yes, ‘Captain’s Revenge’. Just for fun, the captain selects the pin positions for the day. However, rather than making them accessible, as they might be during the week, the idea is that they’re tucked away behind bunkers, cut into slopes, and generally put in awful/wicked spots.

Obviously it’s not for everyone. Why on earth would you put yourself through the misery, especially after a week in the office? Come Saturday, you just want to go out and enjoy yourself. There’s no fun in four-putting, or missing a birdie putt and walking off with a blob? Madness. I put my name down, as did another 126 golfers, which helped to raise a healthy four-figure sum for Marie Curie.

As a ‘Captain’s Revenge’ rookie, I teed up with a great deal of optimism. I believed, wrongly, that the pins wouldn’t be placed in spots where it was impossible for the ball to stop unless it clattered into the flag. Despite having played at Formby Golf Club for approximately 20 years, I also massively underestimated some of the slopes on the greens (especially the 2nd, 3rd, 7th, 8th, 9th, 12th, 14th, 15th, and 17th).

I’ll spare you most of the gory details. It started well with a par on the 1st, after sinking a downhill 12-footer that would have disappeared from sight had it not hit the flag. And I followed that with a respectable bogey at the difficult 2nd. Four points. Cruising.

On the par-5 3rd, my favorite hole on this Merseyside beauty, I said to one of my playing partners, after hitting the green in regulation, that it appeared as though the captain had “gone easy” with the pin position. A few minutes later I watched my birdie effort come to rest further away from the hole.

I was still simmering by the time I arrived at the par-3 5th; then, after hitting a 4-iron dead straight into the teeth of the wind, I perked up. After rolling in a downhill left-to-righter for a birdie from some 25 feet (maybe 30), I was back on track. Not only that, I had won much gold. Twos in comps are normally good for at least a dozen Titleist Pro V1s in the pro shop. Kerching!

I won’t discuss what happened on 7 and 8 - let’s just say there was some degreening involved and more bad language. At one stage - and I particularly regret having these thoughts - I questioned why I’d bothered entering. “I’ve waited all week to play golf and this is pointless,” is what I think I said.

Actually, it proved to be a very enjoyable afternoon. In any other circumstance, it would be deemed unsporting to laugh at your fellow golfers putting the ball off the green. However, by the back nine, and despite having not played with any of the nice chaps in my fourball before, everyone seemed to take pleasure in watching a ball gather pace and trundle off the putting surface back down the fairway.

There are some more serious takeaways here. Firstly, it really did give me an even greater appreciation for just how good the best players in the world are. Despite the absurd pins, I have no doubt that a Rory McIlroy or Jon Rahm could have squeezed out a round in the 60s, even allowing for a double/triple on the 7th.

Secondly, playing in such a competition is a great way of learning the importance of putting yourself in the right spot from off the tee. A lot of pros talk about the strategy of playing the hole backwards from the green in your mind. There are some learnings to be had here, for certain.

I may not have won a fourball voucher at Hillside Golf Club (well done, Max Hodkinson, 34 points), but I did have my birdie 2 on the 5th - two exquisite shots that would be worth, on a day like this, possibly three figures.

As it transpired, there were no prizes for 2s. Andrew, our PGA professional (a top bloke, so I thought), was most unsympathetic. In fact, I think he laughed. Like I said, a silly competition.