"I can't believe how much you spend on that silly game."

This common gripe simply translates as, 'I can't believe how much you spend on that silly game compared to me'.

"In distorted circumstances money can sometimes be mistaken for love and commitment," says Pestana. But handing over your credit card while you go off to play golf is like putting an Elastoplast on a bullet would. The problem is just going to get worse and you'll probably end up broke to boot.

She knows that you're not going to let the kids starve or miss a mortgage payment so that you can pay your green fees for the year. Pestana adds: "You have to prove to her that she comes first and to satisfy that need you need to make commitments that really mean something."

Anything from suggesting that her parents stay for a weekend (you might even get a round of golf with her dad) to going shopping with her. "The sacrifice has to be two-way for things to work," adds Pestana. "If she's got to sacrifice you to the golf course she needs some kind of payback."

Doing slightly more DIY than usual isn't going to cut it (unless you're thinking about building her a whirlpool bath) as sacrifice doesn't mean spending less time on the sofa watching golf, as Pestana puts it, "it means doing things that you don't actually like doing for the simple reason that you're doing them with her."

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